Let's Get Medieval: Holy Relics Theft

In this episode of Ridiculous Crime, hosts Elizabeth Dutton and Zarin Bernier dive into the absurd and often bizarre world of medieval relic theft, exploring how holy objects became coveted commodities in the Middle Ages. From the audacious 829 theft of St. Mark’s bones by Venetian merchants and two monks—hidden inside a barrel of salted pork—to a bishop who bit off a piece of the Hand of Mary Magdalene, the episode reveals how religious devotion and greed intertwined. The story of the monk Aaronistus, who spent a decade infiltrating a monastery to steal the skull of St. Foy, culminates in a dramatic escape and miraculous healing of a blind man along the way. The episode escalates with the tale of two royal princesses, Clotilde and Bassina, who lead a full-scale rebellion against their convent’s tyrannical abbess, seize the entire convent—including the true cross—and turn it into a rogue sanctuary with hired mercenaries. The episode concludes with reflections on how relic theft was often a cover for political power struggles, as the church became a central force in post-Roman Europe. The hosts blend dark humor with historical insight, underscoring how faith, power, and absurdity were deeply entwined in medieval society.