Episode 503 - 18 Nissan (Regular Year) - Love is Not a Foundation
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In this episode of the It Is Taught Podcast, host Sarit Switzer explores a profound teaching from Rabbi Schneur Zalman of Liadi's Tanya, challenging the common assumption that love is the foundation of healthy relationships. Drawing from Chapter 41 of Likutei Amarim, she argues that reverence, awe, and fear of God—referred to as 'yira'—are actually the true foundation, not love. Using a relatable scenario of a forgetful husband who brings flowers but neglects his wife’s request for Shabbos candles, she illustrates how love without respect can lead to emotional disconnect and disrespect. The episode emphasizes that in both human relationships and our relationship with God, respect precedes love. Through the lens of mitzvahs like donning tefillin and tzitzit, the Tanya teaches that these acts are not just rituals but opportunities to cultivate awareness of God’s omnipresence and sovereignty. Even if one doesn’t feel awe emotionally, the sincere intellectual acceptance of God’s kingship—rooted in the inherent nature of every Jew to serve God—is authentic and foundational. The episode concludes by affirming that while love is essential, it must emerge from a base of fear and reverence, not the other way around. This principle applies universally, from divine service to intimate human bonds.
Respect and awe (yira) are the true foundation of healthy relationships, not love.
Mitzvahs like tefillin and tzitzit are spiritual tools to cultivate awareness of God’s presence and sovereignty.
Even without emotional awe, sincere intellectual acceptance of God’s kingship is authentic and valid.
Love for God can only flourish after a foundation of fear and reverence is established.
The soul of every Jew naturally desires to serve God, making even 'mechanical' observance meaningful.
Introduction to the Tanya and Today's Theme
Host Sarit Switzer introduces the podcast and sets up today's central question: what is the foundation of a healthy relationship? She previews the Tanya’s counterintuitive teaching that fear and reverence—not love—are foundational.
Love vs. Respect: The Husband and Wife Analogy
“If the foundation of that respect is not there, like let's say he refused to take out the garbage because he didn't think it was so essential? What if he refused to clean up after himself because he just kind of didn't think about it, you know, and all that kind of stuff. But instead, he just constantly was giving his wife flowers and chocolates and things like that. We wouldn't say that this is necessarily the most functional and healthy relationship.”
The Tanya’s Teaching on Fear and Awe of God
Switzer explains how the Tanya teaches that reverence (yira) is the primary emotional foundation for our relationship with God, using Hasidic concepts like 'soviv kol amin' and 'mamalikol amin' to describe God’s transcendent and immanent presence.
Mitzvahs as Vehicles for Cultivating Awe
“In performing these mitzvahs... we should not just be doing them like not only should we not do them like just mindlessly, of course not, but we should really have an awareness of what's happening when we do these mitzvahs and to really cultivate this awareness that through donning the tefillin, we are subjugating our minds, which ultimately translate into our heart, to God.”
The Authenticity of Intellectual Acceptance
“The nature of every Jew is not to rebel against God. And the nature of every Jew is to accept God's kingship totally and 100%. We can rest assured... that even if we're doing these things that sometimes feel like lip service, like they don't really feel so authentic. And we're like, I'm not feeling it. You know, we don't have to worry about that.”
“The nature of every Jew is not to rebel against God. And the nature of every Jew is to accept God's kingship totally and 100%. We can rest assured... that even if we're doing these things that sometimes feel like lip service, like they don't really feel so authentic. And we're like, I'm not feeling it. You know, we don't have to worry about that.”
“While it is possible to have both fear and love, it needs to start with fear. So even if somebody is going to have this like really deep relationship with God that encompasses both fear and love, you can't just have the love without the fear. Must start with the fear.”
“If the foundation of that respect is not there, like let's say he refused to take out the garbage because he didn't think it was so essential? What if he refused to clean up after himself because he just kind of didn't think about it, you know, and all that kind of stuff. But instead, he just constantly was giving his wife flowers and chocolates and things like that. We wouldn't say that this is necessarily the most functional and healthy relationship.”
Host
The Tanya
book
Sarit Switzer
person
Rabbi Schneur Zalman of Liadi
person
Yira
other
Tefillin
other
Tzitzit
other
Devarim
book
Zohar
other
Shemot
book
Shulchan Aruch
other
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