How To Outgrow Porn Through IFS (with Patrick Cagle)

In this powerful episode of Husband Material, host Drew Boa welcomes IFS therapist Patrick Cagle to explore how Internal Family Systems (IFS) can transform the journey of overcoming porn and unwanted sexual behavior. Drawing from personal stories of struggle and healing, Patrick explains that we are not our parts—rather, we are one self made in God's image, capable of compassion, curiosity, and choice. He unpacks the core IFS concepts: exiles (wounded parts), managers (protective parts that try to prevent pain), and firefighters (soothers that distract from pain). The episode highlights how polarization between these parts—such as a 'purity culture' part clashing with a 'sexual fantasizer'—creates cycles of shame and relapse. Patrick introduces the 'six F's' technique—Find, Feel, Focus, Befriend, Flesh Out, and Fear—to help listeners build trust with their parts. He shares how renaming parts like 'energizer' or 'shame breaker' can be redemptive and biblically resonant, transforming shame into purpose. The conversation culminates in a deep spiritual insight: healing comes not from suppressing parts, but from the self—made in God’s image—connecting with them in love and compassion, just as Jesus did.