My best friend was killed by her ex-husband — this is the message I want men to hear

Dave Kramer shares a powerful personal journey shaped by growing up in a household marked by domestic violence and substance abuse, where he witnessed his mother's trauma and learned to survive through silence and self-reliance. After the tragic murder of his close friend Hannah Clark and her three children by her ex-husband, Dave was consumed by guilt for not seeing the warning signs or being able to protect her. This loss became a catalyst for profound self-reflection, leading him to study psychology, become a behavioural scientist, and now work with teenagers through the HULC program—founded by Hannah’s parents—to prevent domestic violence. He reflects on how his own upbringing normalized coercive control and male entitlement, and how he once failed to recognize the signs of abuse in Hannah’s relationship, even when she reached out for support. Through therapy, the MATE bystander program, and deep personal work, Dave now advocates for men to recognize their role in perpetuating harmful gender norms and to become active bystanders in preventing violence. His message is clear: men must stop normalizing toxic masculinity, listen to women’s experiences, and step up to protect those in danger—before it’s too late.