Encore: Bo Seo on good arguments and the power of disagreement

In this encore episode of Conversations, host Richard Feidler revisits his 2023 interview with Bo Seo, author of *Good Arguments: How Debate Teaches Us to Listen and Be Heard*. Seo, a former Australian school debating champion and Harvard coach, shares how his early struggles with language and identity as a Korean immigrant led him to find his voice through debate. He reflects on the transformative power of structured disagreement—where silence, respect, and active listening replace hostility—and argues that good arguments are not about winning, but about mutual understanding. Drawing from personal stories, historical figures like Malcolm X and James Farmer, and cultural observations, Seo emphasizes that disagreement, when conducted with care, can deepen relationships, strengthen convictions, and even embody love. He critiques modern media for turning debate into spectacle, and offers practical tools—like the 'side switch' exercise and starting with shared agreement—to reclaim meaningful conversation in families, communities, and democracy. Ultimately, Seo contends that change begins not in institutions, but in the quiet, daily act of listening and being heard. Key takeaways include: (1) Disagreement is not inherently destructive—it can be a form of care and connection when approached with respect; (2) The 'side switch'—imagining your opponent’s perspective—builds humility and strengthens your own argument; (3) Good arguments require emotional discipline and the courage to remain vulnerable; (4) Family and personal disagreements are often fueled by unspoken expectations of agreement, not love; (5) Media and politics have outsourced debate to performative spectacle, but real change happens in private, face-to-face conversations; (6) The goal of debate is not to win, but to leave both sides saying, 'I’d do this again.'