Why being ‘a little more social’ makes us happier than we expect, with Nicholas Epley, PhD

We consistently underestimate how much we'll enjoy brief social interactions—whether talking to a stranger on a train, sharing a deep personal story, or even texting versus calling—because we're overly focused on our own awkwardness and competence, not the warmth and responsiveness of others. Psychologist Nicholas Epley's research reveals that people are far more open to connection than we assume: a single conversation with a stranger on a Chicago train, sparked by a simple compliment on her red hat, became a turning point in his career and led to experiments showing that people enjoy social interactions two to three times more than they expect. This 'misplaced pessimism' isn't just about introversion—introverts benefit just as much as extroverts when they act more socially—but about a fundamental cognitive blind spot: we fail to anticipate the reciprocity and emotional pull of real conversation. The rise of digital communication, while convenient, often replaces richer, voice-based interactions that build deeper connection. Epley’s own life transformed after this insight—leading him to adopt a child with Down syndrome, a decision made possible by trusting that people would respond with kindness. Despite experiencing positive interactions, people forget these lessons within weeks, suggesting we need to actively retrain our social instincts. The takeaway?