Coercive Control, a Life Sentence & Finding Love in Prison: Peter Bates

Peter Bates, a man who endured a childhood of extreme abuse and coercive control, shares how his trauma shaped him into a fierce advocate against domestic violence. From being physically and emotionally terrorized by his narcissistic father to surviving sexual abuse at school and a life on the streets, Peter’s early years were defined by survival. At 19, he was sentenced to life in prison for a killing that occurred during a rage-fueled retaliation after his partner was assaulted—a moment that, while tragic, became a turning point. In prison, he transformed himself through education, reading, and mentorship, eventually meeting his wife Belinda, a corrections officer who defied prison politics to build a relationship with him. Their love story, forged in the face of institutional hostility, became his anchor. After release, he rebuilt his life, but faced a devastating relapse during the pandemic—only to be saved by his dog, who sensed his despair and stayed by his side. Now, Peter uses his platform to confront the unspoken truths about male violence, calling out the silence and complicity of men who laugh at misogyny among friends. His message is clear: trauma doesn’t excuse abuse, and real change begins when men like him—tattooed, tough, and once violent—speak up. Peter’s journey reveals that healing isn’t about erasing the past, but repurposing it. He’s not just surviving—he’s leading. His advocacy is rooted in lived experience, not theory.