Kidnapping Dolphins are News AF – March 31, 2026

In this episode of Rob Has a Podcast, Rob Sestrino and co-hosts Tyson Apostle and Danny Bryson dive into a mix of absurd, viral, and satirical news stories from March 31, 2026. The episode opens with a humorous book promotion for Rob’s new memoir, 'The Tribe and I Have Spoken,' and a playful discussion about a real-life encounter with a charging chuckwalla lizard. The main focus shifts to a wildly fictional tale of a man claiming he was kidnapped by dolphins, including a lead dolphin named Gerald who forced him into underwater slave labor—prompting a real response from the Lee County Sheriff’s Office. The hosts dissect the story as satire gone viral, highlighting how easily misinformation spreads. Other stories include a fake rumor about Shaq requesting Sabrina Carpenter’s farts for perfume, a 12-ton Kit Kat heist that may have been a case of mistaken identity, and a Florida Airbnb guest who allegedly peed on furniture to create adult content. The episode also covers a bizarre wearable pickle puffer jacket, United Airlines’ new 'Relax Row' economy seats, and a controversial Big Arch burger that even Big Mac champion Donald Gorski found underwhelming. The segment on AI-generated music is particularly poignant, with the hosts expressing concern over the erosion of human creativity, advocating for a 'certified human' music label to preserve authenticity in art. The episode closes with a satirical AI-generated thumbnail featuring all the week’s stories, including a pickle-jacketed Gorski eating the Big Arch.