Setting Boundaries Without Power Struggles

Janet Lansbury responds to a parent concerned about her five-and-a-half-year-old daughter's escalating boundary-testing behavior, including unkind actions toward her younger sister and a volatile incident with a rope with a hook. Lansbury identifies the root cause as the family's upcoming transition with the arrival of a new baby, which is triggering unresolved emotions in the older child—especially since she's reliving the upheaval of becoming a big sister again. She explains that children often act out not from malice but from deep discomfort, fear, and a need to be seen. Rather than viewing the behavior as defiance, Lansbury reframes it as a cry for empathy. She advises parents to respond with compassion, validate their child's feelings, and set physical boundaries early and firmly—without power struggles—by immediately removing unsafe objects before resistance builds. This approach prevents escalation, helps the child release pent-up emotions, and strengthens the parent-child connection. Lansbury emphasizes that effective boundary-setting isn't about control but about protection, presence, and emotional safety for both child and parent.