278: A Wondrous, Wondrous Crying
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In this deeply reflective episode of Midlifing, hosts Simon Ellis and Lee Miller navigate the emotional complexity of grief, mortality, and the quiet rituals of living well. The conversation begins with Lee sharing a recent bout of illness, triggered by overlapping personal and professional pressures, which led to a profound, cathartic crying episode following the death of her cousin-in-law Caro. This moment becomes a lens through which they explore layered grief—mourning Caro, reflecting on the deaths of their own parents, confronting their own mortality, and even imagining the emotional aftermath for those they’ll leave behind. They contrast their experiences with the cultural and systemic erosion of the UK’s arts scene post-Olympics, and reflect on how proximity to death shapes identity, particularly in child-free lives with extended family ties. The episode evolves into a tender meditation on legacy, death cleaning, and the absurdity of human fragility, culminating in a wry, heartfelt vow to keep the podcast alive beyond their lifetimes—no matter how poorly they might cough through it.
Grief is rarely singular—it often intertwines loss, memory, mortality, and empathy for others’ future pain.
Preparing for death through practical rituals (like death cleaning) can be an act of love and respect for those who remain.
The absence of children doesn’t eliminate legacy—extended family, friendships, and shared projects become vessels of continuity.
Cultural institutions in the UK have suffered long-term decline due to policy shifts, making access to art increasingly dependent on travel and privilege.
Vulnerability, especially in the form of crying, can be a profound, unifying human experience that transcends individual loss.
…and 3 more takeaways available in PodZeus
Opening: A Hoarse Morning and a Coughing Podcast
The episode opens with the hosts joking about their vocal states—Simon sounding like Motley Crue, Lee like a 'povorino'—and setting the tone with a raw, unfiltered start. They acknowledge the podcast’s informal, human-centered ethos, with a brief technical hiccup that becomes a metaphor for imperfection.
The Toll of Overcommitment and Illness
Lee recounts how a cascade of personal and professional demands—five people all claiming their deadlines were 'the most important in the world'—overwhelmed her, leading to a severe illness. She describes working through peak sickness, even while coughing, and reflects on the cost of over-giving.
Culture as Ritual and Resistance
Despite being unwell, Lee attends a dance performance and reflects on the intentional act of seeking culture. She critiques the UK’s shrinking arts infrastructure post-2012 Olympics and shares her frustration with policymakers who ignored her warnings about funding cuts.
The Wondrous, Wondrous Cry: Grief as a Tapestry
“I was almost crying for the people I will leave behind. That is what it will be like for them when I die.”
Grief and Distance: The Circle of Connection
Simon reflects on his own limited grief history—his last close family member died when he was 15—and how that shaped his emotional boundaries. He introduces the 'circle of connection' metaphor: supporting those inside your circle, not dumping grief onto those outside it.
“I was almost crying for the people I will leave behind. That is what it will be like for them when I die.”
“When you die, people come into your house and they're not left with this kind of world of craziness of having to sort out and go through all your possessions.”
“I've been building up to or waiting for this moment all my life.”
Hosts
Lee Miller
person
Simon Ellis
person
Caro
person
Lee's mother
person
Swedish Death Cleaning
other
Simon's mother
person
Lee's father
person
Simon's father
person
William
other
Stephen
other
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