The New Kids (1985)

In this episode of Junk Food Cinema, hosts Brian Salisbury and Robert Cargill dive deep into the 1985 cult thriller *The New Kids*, a film they describe as a bizarre, tonally jarring blend of teen drama, exploitation, and slasher horror. The movie follows two orphaned siblings, Lauren and Bruce (played by Shannon Presby and Lori Loughlin), who are sent to live with their eccentric uncle in a Florida-based, Christmas-themed roadside amusement park. The film quickly descends into a violent revenge saga when the kids are relentlessly bullied by a gang of sadistic teens led by a chillingly intense James Spader in his breakout role. The hosts celebrate the film’s shocking third act, which transforms from a standard teen revenge story into a gory, over-the-top slasher spectacle reminiscent of *Friday the 13th* and *Savage Streets*. They highlight the film’s cult appeal, its connection to the Coca-Cola takeover of Columbia Pictures, and its status as a forgotten gem that only gained recognition through the podcast’s deep dive. The episode is filled with meta-commentary, absurd humor, and deep dives into 80s pop culture, including a hilarious discussion of Tom Atkins’ underutilization and the film’s bizarre, unintentionally comedic dog death scene. The hosts also explore the film’s twin release with *Tough Turf*, another James Spader vehicle released the same day, and speculate on a potential sequel, dubbing it *The Two Kids*. The episode concludes with a richly layered junk food pairing: a milk and cookies cake from Holiday World in Santa Claus, Indiana, paired with the idea of 'corndog nuggets'—a Florida-themed snack that perfectly matches the film’s absurd, lowbrow charm. The hosts reflect on the cathartic power of revenge films, especially for those who endured high school bullying, and celebrate *The New Kids* as a perfect midnight movie experience. Despite its poor box office performance and studio neglect, the film is hailed as a 'great movie'—not because it’s well-made, but because it delivers on its promise of escalating, over-the-top violence with a unique, unforgettable energy. The episode is a love letter to forgotten 80s cinema, showcasing the podcast’s signature mix of irreverent humor, deep research, and genuine affection for cinematic oddities.