LOVE AND MARRIAGE
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Rabbi Bassus opens the first episode of a series on love and marriage, exploring the tension between romantic love as popularized by modern culture and the Jewish tradition of love as commitment, sacrifice, and daily action. Drawing from the Torah, Talmud, and Jewish philosophy, he contrasts the fleeting, idealized 'kiss' of romance with the enduring 'clinging' of true marital devotion. Using the story of Ruth and Naomi, he illustrates that deep love is not about public displays but inner faithfulness and sustained effort. He critiques the modern 'dating game' and Hollywood's glorification of passion, arguing that romance often leads to unrealistic expectations and marital failure. Rabbi Bassus defines love in Judaism as selfless giving—mirroring a parent's unconditional love for a child—and emphasizes that true love grows through stages of commitment, not instant declarations. He references biblical narratives like Jacob’s seven years of labor for Rachel to show how love is strengthened by patience and investment. The episode concludes with the idea that love is not a feeling but a choice to give without expectation, rooted in the unity of 'one flesh' and the divine image in every person.
True love in Judaism is defined as selfless giving with no expectation of return, modeled on the parent-child relationship.
Romantic love, while desirable, is fleeting and often based on illusion; lasting marriage requires 'clinging'—commitment, effort, and daily acts of love.
The sequence of love in the Bible begins with love of a child, then spouse, neighbor, God, and stranger—each building on the previous.
Passion fades, but love endures when it is rooted in mutual giving and shared responsibility, not just physical attraction.
Marriage should not be based on romance alone; it requires values like integrity, honesty, and shared goals over charm or appearance.
…and 3 more takeaways available in PodZeus
The Wedding Kiss and the Hidden Divide
“She was waiting for a kiss which would reassure the assembled family and friends that this marriage was built on real and deep love. He, on the other hand, may never have beheld his own parents kissing each other and was taught that love should be exhibited privately rather than displayed publicly.”
Kissing vs. Clinging: Two Paths to Love
“Kissing speaks outward manifestation, momentary emotion, a pleasurable act. Cleaving emphasizes inner faith, inner truth, continued commitment at times.”
The Rise of Romantic Love and Its Dangers
“Romantic love is based on an idealized notion of the other person, which requires remoteness, psychological, physical or social remoteness to be maintained. Why? Because I have a vision into my mind and that's the vision which I want to keep in my mind.”
The Five Stages of Love in the Bible
“The secret of love is investing. If I'm investing in a relationship, then that's the key to my life. I have to give and I invest it. I've got so much at stake in that thing. Just got to keep on giving.”
Love as Commitment, Not Passion
The episode closes with the idea that passion fades, but love endures when rooted in commitment. Rabbi Bassus shares a story of a therapist who helped a couple rekindle passion by abstaining from physical contact, proving that love is not about feeling but about choice and action. He concludes that love is not a feeling, but a decision to give, share, and unify—mirroring the unity of 'one flesh'.
“The secret of love is investing. If I'm investing in a relationship, then that's the key to my life. I have to give and I invest it.”
“The secret of love is commitment to give, to share and to unify.”
“Romantic love is based on an idealized notion of the other person, which requires remoteness... Once I get too close, that vision, that bubble bursts, I'm back down to reality.”
Host
Rabbi Bassus
person
Jacob
person
Rachel
person
Ruth
person
Fiddler on the Roof
other
Naomi
person
Tevye
person
Tevye's Wife
person
Samson
person
Victor Frankl
person
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UNDERSTANDING PASSOVER
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THE PASSOVER SEDER THE ORDER OF LIFE
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PASSOVER SEDER IDEAL ORDER TO OUR LIVES
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