550: The Girl Who Believes in Miracles

In this three-part episode of *God Awful Movies*, hosts Noah Lusions, Heath Enright, Eli Bosnick, and guest Jay Novella deliver a blistering, satirical dismantling of *The Girl Who Believes in Miracles*, a Christian film centering on a dying girl who gains supernatural healing powers after a divine encounter. The critique begins with the film’s absurd premise—where a prayer for her brother’s soccer victory triggers a bizarre bicycle kick goal and the resurrection of a dead bird—only to be met with a grim warning that her powers come at the cost of her own life. The hosts relentlessly mock the film’s inconsistent logic, shallow character development, and heavy-handed religious messaging, highlighting contradictions like a doctor who witnesses miracles yet refuses to believe, and a mother who dismisses her daughter’s prophetic death visions with casual indifference. As the narrative spirals into a chaotic heist sequence involving fake identities, a rain-soaked chase, and a zombie-like horde of the sick, the hosts emphasize the film’s tonal whiplash, poor production quality, and refusal to grapple with real-world consequences of miracles. The climax descends into surreal self-parody, featuring a CGI wolf, a deus ex machina God in Costco jeans, and a resurrection that brings not triumph but a series of nonsensical restrictions—like the inability to heal cancer and the town becoming a tourist trap. The episode concludes with a final twist claiming the entire event was a dream, which the hosts decry as a narrative cop-out that undermines all prior stakes. Despite the film’s failed theology and execution, the hosts use dark humor and philosophical satire to explore deeper themes, including the exploitation of divine figures, the ethics of faith-based power, and the absurdity of turning a healing child into soup—a satirical thought experiment that underscores their skeptical worldview. The episode ends on a lighthearted yet self-aware note, promoting upcoming live shows, Patreon support, and audience engagement, reinforcing the show’s identity as a blend of irreverent critique and critical thinking.